Waterfall
by NiceIceEdward
Summary: Bella learns something she's never known.
1. Chapter 1

I hadn't ever noticed before that he always leaves when I arrive at the Cullen house. I was ordinarily so concerned with my own insecurities and whatever tribulation had entered my day, that I was oblivious. I admit I always noticed his absence, but not specifically his departure.

I made a quiet excuse to the family about needing some time to think alone, and offered the idea of taking a walk by myself. No one disputed my idea, I'm sure it never occurred to any of them that I might have another motive. I smiled as I realized I'd found yet another reason to be thankful that my strange mind blocked Edward's unusual ability.

I followed the direction I thought I'd seen him disappear in. He wound his way through the trees, I followed deeper. I hadn't walked long before I knew I was guessing the path. I walked along and followed some strange intuition. It said in my head, This way, I feel it. He's this way.

My approach couldn't have been quiet, and felt certain he'd know long before I arrived that I was following him. I found myself walking through thinning trees, and I could hear water nearby. A waterfall? I finally stepped between two trees and in the distance, I saw him.

He sat on a rock, the waterfall fell down over him, plastering his hair around his face making it a curtain. Hiding the rooms of his eyes behind them. I would have spoken, but his posture was so... pained, I couldn't convince my voice to cooperate. He had one leg propped on a stone before him, his right elbow on his knee, both arms curled in what looked like a protective way over his head, his hands clasped over the crown. His body swayed as he shook his head back and forth, whatever he was torturing himself with, was something he didn't want. His entire body screamed 'no'.

I was stunned by the living image of devastation he presented, frozen in my hiding spot. My heart broke open to see him that way. He moved then, sitting up slightly, only high enough to pull his left arm down from his head and wrap it around his chest, curling down again as he'd been before. I knew what that was... that was ache, that was protecting the hole. Oh heart, don't wound him that way, I pleaded silently. I reached for him, wanting to add my own hand to his to help keep him together. What hole did he protect? What had ripped his certainty open, leaving only a gaping ache in its place?

I realized watching him that if he'd been human, he would have been crying. No, why kid myself. He was crying. Now that his left arm had dropped, I could see his face, and it was a grimace of anguish. I leaned toward him, my hand still out, wanting to take away his pain. He caught my movement, and he looked up and for one second, before he registered it was me, Jasper's eyes were bottomless pits of absolute desolation.

That look was only on his face long enough for me to wonder if I'd imagined it, because his face quickly transformed into shock and humiliation. I pulled my hand back, and looked at the forest floor. How could I have stood watching such a private moment? I was a fool, and rude too. I bowed my head lower. "I'm sorry Jasper. I should have left, but you looked so..." I looked up at him with my eyes alone, keeping my blushing cheeks facing the dirt still. "Jasper, can I do anything to help?"

Again his face transformed, for one moment it melted into pure astonishment and disbelief. He stood then, and moved towards me. He was very wet, his shirt sticking to him. I realized I was gaping at him, and closed my mouth. He was before me before I'd composed myself. I couldn't remember ever being so close to him.

"No Bella, you can't help me, because you can't help yourself."

I was stunned by the words, but more by the tone, as if I'd caused his pain. He must have felt my emotions, because he reached an already dry hand up to my face, gently pressing his hand against my cheek. I risked looking up into his eyes, they were filled with regret.

"I'm sorry Bella, I made you feel bad. I only meant that being yourself is all you know how to be. Nothing you are could help me. At this point only change could make a difference for me." He dropped a hand and began to walk past me.

I struggled a moment, trying to find the right words. "Jasper, change how?"

"You couldn't do it, and I most assuredly shouldn't ask. Sweet Bella, you are so human."

He took two steps away and assuming our conversation was over, I frowned. Suddenly there was a whisper of air, and he was in front of me again, both hands on my face. His breath chilled my ear. "Don't, Bella."

"Don't what?" I asked, trying to turn my head to look into his eyes again. His hands on my face held me fast though, and I couldn't turn.

He took a deep breath. "Don't marry him. Don't change." His hands dropped and I felt his cheek pressed against mine, and I could hear the sound of his intake of breath, knowing he was breathing in my scent just as, I suddenly realized, I was breathing in his. He pulled his head back, lifting his face towards the sky and closing his eyes. His jaw tightened. He looked back down at me for an almost immeasurable moment... just long enough for pain to seep into his carefully hidden expression, and suddenly I was hit by his emotion. A warmth enfolded me and it was like an electric blanket on a snow-filled night. I hadn't realized existence was cold until I felt his warmth.

He stepped away and disappeared, and I staggered, falling to the ground as the warmth was pulled away.

As my brain began to settle back to itself, I realized I was looking at the waterfall again. I recalled the way in which I'd found Jasper. Oh God, I thought, I am what punched a hole into his existence. My heart broke.


	2. Song of the Waterfall

_****A/N: Ok, this is a birthday gift for my very dear friend and beta, that_isa_story, who wanted me to write about "cold feet". This follows what happens in Waterfall, a fic I have had several requests to continue, so in the hopes of appeasing my readers, I wrote this little piece. I am not intending to complete another fic, so this leaves this story as a **_**"Two-shot!"**_** I'm not even sure that's feasible, but that's how it's going to go. I have taken a couple of liberties with the ceremony in BD, Carlisle does not stand, I decided to have his brothers with Edward instead. It made sense for the storyline. If you can forgive me this change, I hope you'll enjoy the rest of the story.****_

**Chapter II  
**Song of the Waterfall

* * *

It was day, shade punctuated by brief splashes of bright light, filtered down over us. His sparkle-prone skin was protected by the branch ceiling above our heads. I could hear his breathing, as though I had my ear to his mouth. He took a breath to speak, a tiny catch the only clue to what that intake of breath so near my throat cost him. "Don't marry him. Don't change." I heard the sound of his cheek sliding against mine, the sound seemed to be amplified by the silence of the day around us, the cool, smoothness of his skin causing chills to flow down my body. The breeze whispered, it only tickled the leaves and limbs directly above, and around us. I heard the soft music of the waterfall, as he drew breath, slowly, deeply. I felt his nose move nearer my throat, nuzzling my hair. He pulled his head back, clenching his teeth together.

The actual memory had faded somewhat when I was awake, but in my dreams, like this one, it was all crystal clear. This was the moment that he'd taken all the scent from my throat he could handle at such a close distance. Now Jasper would allow me to feel the way he felt about me. The sudden enfolding of my body, my heart, my suddenly confused mind with the most wonderful heat. It warmed me from inside-out, rather than outside, in. It made me feel happy, it made me feel fulfilled, almost like everything suddenly made sense. As he disappeared behind me, and the warmth was torn away, I fell. Fell to my knees; my mind, heart, and voice all calling that feeling back again.

It all faded entirely away as I awoke to Edward shaking my shoulder. "Every night now, love. You never had nightmares in my presence before, what is it that's causing you distress when you should be resting?" His beautiful face was a mask of concern and worry. I curled into his chest and nuzzled into the crook of his shoulder. I wasn't quite ready to be awake yet. "I was having a nightmare?" I mumbled into his shoulder.

"Yes, you moaned, and whimpered, it sounded so distressing. I want you to be blissfully happy, always." Judging by his tone, I figured I'd better look to see what sort of expression he wore. I peeled a single eyelid up slightly, he wore a cocky, crooked grin, of course. I allowed my lid to re-seal and mumbled into his shoulder again, "Waking me up in the middle of the night is a sad way to guarantee bliss."

I felt the bed shake slightly as he chuckled. I peeled my lid back once again, accompanying it with a lifted eyebrow. "Are you going to let me go back to sleep?" I asked, letting my lid slide back down again.

"That depends."

I sighed theatrically, "On?" I rolled onto my back.

"On whether or not you plan to keep moaning my brother's name in your sleep again."

Espresso, I decided. I sat up, like someone had injected me with an espresso shot, wide awake and heaving breaths.

"That was...interesting. What brought that on?" Edward queried. His face was almost annoyed, skeptical.

"I moaned your brother's name?" I half-gasped, half-whispered. He nodded, annoyance slipping into amusement.

"But why would I dream about Emmett?" I wondered aloud. Now his face became annoyed. "What makes you think I was referring to Emmett?" he asked in clipped tones.

Oops.

"Oh," I said lamely.

I began remembering the dream. _His _blonde hair, _his _eyes, _his _scent, but most of all, his _proximity_. I shuddered, and Edward wrongly assumed I was cold. He pulled the blankets up over me.

I looked across the room to the clock Edward had been forced to buy for me. It was 4:00 AM, hardly an hour I could be willing to remain awake, and yet I was now completely wired. I moaned and threw the covers back, sliding myself out of the bed until a cool arm snaked around my waist and dragged me back to the center of the bed. "Where do you think you're going?" he asked with a mischeivous expression on his face.

I looked at him; looking at his copper hair, his entrancing eyes, his smooth pale skin. I leaned towards him and realized I was comparing him to my dream memory of Jasper. I gasped and turned towards the bathroom again. "I-I...I need a human moment, Edward," I called out when I felt the bed shift slightly. I knew he was reaching for me, but he let me go.

I ran into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I turned the water in the sink on, and rinsed my face with cool water. I hadn't turned the light on, a small light illuminated the bathroom softly for me. Looking in the mirror I allowed the dream to return to mind. I remembered that day, I remembered following the path through the forest, and breaking through the trees finding Jasper under a waterfall. A man literally trying to drown his sorrows. I splashed my face again, as a small voice inside me said, "You are his sorrow."

Jasper said nothing further about it. He simply looked at me from behind Alice occasionally, watching me as I passed by. He must not have allowed himself to think of it either, because when he looked at me, I'd look at Edward, expecting him to have some reaction, see something. He'd sometimes frown a bit, as though confused by something, but then he'd turn away.

Sometimes, if it were only Jasper and me in a room together, he'd stare deep into my eyes. His eyes following me wherever I headed, as though trying to read what I was going to do by watching me. That was unnerving, and I was so on edge about it I couldn't make myself just speak to him about it.

I rinsed my face one last time, and pulled a hand towel down to dry my face with. I turned and pulled the door open, setting the towel back on the counter I turned forward again and found Edward standing right in front of me, leaning against the door frame. I gasped, startled. "Edward!" I growled at him.

"You evaded my question, and I'd like an answer."

"What question would that be," I answered, recovering from my short scare.

"The one where I asked whether you planned to keep moaning my brother's name in your sleep again?" He blocked my path out, as I tried to walk past him.

"Let me out, please. I don't know why I moaned Jasper's name in my sleep, Edward. If you'll let me by though, you'll see I'm not planning to go back to sleep anyway. I'm trying, unsuccessfully to reach the closet. I want to put some clothes on."

"Bella, I'm not particularly concerned about the fact that you dreamt of my brother. I'm sure if I slept, all my dreams would revolve around you and people who you love, I'd likely even dream of Jacob which is clearly reason enough to thank Carlisle for changing me. What is concerning me though, was your reaction when you realized it. Can you offer me nothing more than 'I don't know'?"

I reached my arms around his waist and hugged him to me. This was going to take a cautious approach to keep him from becomig too curious. "I really can't tell you about it, I don't remember anything, but you said I was moaning and having a nightmare. Maybe I was reliving my 18th birthday." Edward's pained expression was enough to stop my plan in its tracks. I couldn't do that to him. He'd always felt so guilty about that whole time, it still made him edgy to talk about. I bounced up on my toes and kissed him gently, then I dropped back down and put my hands on his cheeks as I said, "I need to hunt." Edward began to nod, distracted by the kiss, then shot a look back at me again. "For food, Edward. I need some breakfast."

He sighed, "Naturally. Do you mind if I join you?"

I laughed, "When have I ever minded you joining me?"

"I recall a time not so long ago when you were refusing to marry me," he grinned crookedly, the way he knew always affected me. I made a "Hmmph!" sound, and walked around him. "I still say I was coerced through unfair practices, against my will."

I was halfway to the closet when he grabbed my hand and yanked me back again. "Aaaugh! Edward! That is connected you know," I reprimanded him. His expression kept me from teasing him further though, he was honestly annoyed.

"If it is truly against your will Bella, we should cancel all the plans right now." He was unwaveringly serious.

"No, Edward, I'm more than willing to honor your side of the bargain, providing you're willing to honor yours." I felt a tiny needle of doubt prick me somewhere deep inside. Was I really willing? Of course I was. I wanted to be a vampire more than anything, and mostly for this man standing before me.

"I am troubled about the wedding, not the part where I become yours forever, more the part where the whole room of people is staring at me." I shuddered at the thought, and Edward caressed my arms. "It won't be anyone you don't know, it'll be nothing but people who love you."

"I know that, but it doesn't make it any easier Edward, I will never get accustomed to being the center of attention."

He grinned and stepped aside. "Well, lets hurry and get you downstairs to hunt, before my family returns from theirs and begins watching you."

Edward turned to walk towards the bedroom door, as always, already dressed for the day, hair perfect and ready to go. I sighed, and thinking about what he said, asked, "Is everyone on a hunt except you, Edward? You shouldn't stay behind like that for me. You need to hunt, too."

"I will, Jasper stayed behind to hunt with me. I'll meet you downstairs."

I dressed, brushed my hair and made my way down the winding stairs into the kitchen. Edward wasn't in the living room or the kitchen when I reached it, so I shrugged my shoulders and headed for the fridge. It was still dark, I left the lights off because I was enjoying the darkened state of the room on my tired eyes. Since it was too early to cook myself anything too strong, I grabbed the milk, and searched the pantry for cereal. Once found I pulled out a bowl and dropped a spoon into it. I precariously hefted everything onto my left arm, while toting the milk with my right to the table. As I stepped to it a deep voice spoke to me from the shadows near the back window.

I gasped, jumped and the milk slipped out of my hands. My eyes were searching the darkened corners near the back window for the source of the voice, so I jumped again when instead of the sound of the milk carton hitting the tile, I heard the deep voice again. "Sorry Bella, I didn't mean to startle you," Jasper said as he slowly stood up before me. He turned and set the milk on the table, then reached out and took the bowl from me and set it down.

The lights flicked on, and I winced a little at the sudden brightness, and saw Jasper standing there with a mild grin on his face.

"What did you say?" I asked, referring to what he'd said to initially startle me.

"Say?...Oh! I said you'd found me again. You seem to be good at that, finding me when I'm hiding." The mild grin didn't leave his face, it was completely glued on, that struck a chord. He was hiding something.

"Why are you hiding, Jasper?"

Jasper looked at me, and opened his mouth twice as if to speak, but seemed to decide against it. After another moments silence, he said, "I guess you could say I'm keeping my thoughts to myself."

I don't know why I asked, but I couldn't seem to let it go. "What thoughts are you keeping to yourself?"

Jasper's carefully maintained grin slipped clear off his face. His expression changed to one of deep pain. I'd seen his eyes dark and full of pain before. For a moment I wasn't in the Cullens' kitchen any longer, I was standing in the middle of a group of trees, looking through a break in them at the embodiment of anguish. I unconsciously stepped forward, my hand going out to him again as it had that day. Jasper leaned back, confusion covering his face, and a little panic. "Bella," he breathed out, softly. His face broke into something else, an indefinable expression. Just then Edward's voice called out, "Bella?"

Jasper stepped back quickly, and reached a hand up into the front of his long blonde locks and agitatedly scratched at his head, then shook his hair back down around his face. He moved to the window, and shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. Taking his lead, I turned and started pouring my cereal. "Kitchen," I said by way of description. I poured the milk, and sitting down, began eating.

Edward walked in and glided to my side. He paused just before pulling out another chair, and looked at Jasper with a confused expression again. He shook his head and sat down next to me.

*~*~*

A white dress. The significance is lost on no one. I looked at my handful of white flowers, the patterned lace hem of my antique styled dress, the white bundles of flowers hanging everywhere, the ribbons which covered every inch of the aisle before me. I looked across the sea of faces as Alice moved away towards Edward who stood before the flower covered arch. Next to Edward, Jasper watched Alice make her way towards him, as Emmett watched Rosalie playing Pachelbel's Canon on the piano. She glanced up at me over the top of it. Charlie's voice broke through my reverie, "Bells, we're up to bat." I looked at him, and taking his arm, smiled. I faced forward again, and took my first step, I looked to the end of the row and felt so nervous. I searched for Edward's eyes, and finding them fell into focus. Movement caught my eyes from his left and I glanced for just a moment to see what it was. Jasper was looking at me. His eyes held that indefinable expression again. I halted. Charlie looked at me. "Bells?" he asked softly. I looked at him, then back at Jasper again.

This time, Edward's eyes weren't there for me to focus on, they were looking suspiciously at his brother's, whose eyes were trained immovably on me. Jasper held my eyes, I held his...a second, a moment, a minute. Time stretched out between us. "Bella?" Charlie questioned again. A deep, emotion-roughened voice spoke in my head, "Don't marry him. Don't change." Then I felt it again, the warmth Jasper had once wrapped around me, only this time it wasn't a memory, or a dream remembered, it was the feeling of the original.

I felt the flowers fall from my hands, and everything swirled past me as I turned for the front door. My vision blurred as tears began to escape down my cheeks.

"Bella!" Charlie called out as I ran past the back row of chairs, and through the front door, out into the deepening night. I heard the gasps as well as the lower hum of chatter among the guests inside. I heard several voices call out my name from behind Charlie. One of them, some aware part of my brain registered as Edward's anguished cry. Another was closer, and wild with panic, that one I realized was Jasper's.

I ran, everything blended together, the night darkened, everything seemed to go black, and I kept waiting to feel the hard ground as I struck it. In the darkness, I felt nothing.

*~*~*

I was by the river again. I could hear the steady cascade of water on the rock nearby, while his nose nuzzled my hair, and his warmth was wrapped all around me. He spoke. "Bells," he said, but his voice was all wrong. The warmth, it was different too. I was warm on the outside but cold within. As I fought towards trying to understand my muddled perception of things around me, I felt things shake, and I heard a sound. I t was too close and vicious sounding. The sound was animalistic, growls, snarls. Occasional words were spit out in venemous tones. I couldn't make sense of it beyond that. I tried to ask them to quiet down, but it came out a moan. I felt tired, so tired, similar to the way I'd felt when Sam Uley had carried me back in from the forest floor after Edward had left me. Those thoughts worked like an inhalant. I woke up and everything became too clear, much too fast. The warmth around me turned out to be the long missing Jacob Black, whose whole frame was vibrating. He was kneeling on the ground holding me against him. He wasn't looking at me, and I could hear and see why.

About ten feet away from us two bodies whirled and rolled around each other. Now and then their blindingly fast movements froze with the two of them face to face. Both were dressed in formal attire, one all white, the other, black with a white vest. As I focused on them for the first time, Edward snarled, "I thought the vision of the waterfall was some place from your human life you missed, not some hidden tryst with my fiancée!"

"You pompous ass, Edward. _Tryst_! As if anyone could mean more to me than my wife!" They were both crouched, head to head, Jasper's blonde to Edward's copper.

"Well, there is _something _Jasper, something. Because when you decided to send a wave of love at my fiancée, your mind wasn't thinking about your _friend_, Bella, or your _sister_. She was much more to you in that moment, and I saw it. I saw the glimpses, the flashes, the meandering thoughts you've given her. Watching you _watch _her," Edward snarled fiercely.

Jasper stood up to his full height. His face was a comic depiction of surprise. He blinked and gaped at Edward. One of Edward's eyebrows curved upward, and he turned his head slightly in question. "You hadn't even realized you were doing it, had you?" he asked, as he stood to his full height as well.

Jasper was completely speechless.

About this time I struggled to get up, but Jacob was holding me down protectively. "Let me GO!" I grumbled, as I finally fought myself free of Jacob. He jumped up behind me. "Bells, don't. Let them fight, I don't want you to accidentally get hurt."

I turned on him. "I don't believe either of them would hurt me." I turned back to find Edward and Jasper looking at me. Edward's face was desperate, and he took a slight step forward as though he was trying to see if I was unharmed. Jasper stood stoicly still, his expression was fearful and patient.

Edward spoke first, "Bella?"

Jasper must have thought something, because Edward glared at him and growled, "Deny it now," his tone dared. Edward's head snapped up in Jacob's direction. "I'll thank you to stay out of things. We'll manage this just fine, and without any explosive changes that could slash her into mangled pieces."

Jacob's tremoring increased as he gritted his jaw, "Arrogant _bloodsucker_!" he hissed low and deep.

Jasper snarled this time and moving forward, pulled me towards the spot where Edward stood. He glared at Jacob over my shoulder.

I turned back. "Jacob, I'm so happy you came, but just calm down. Give us a few moments, we need to...we..." I turned around and looked at Edward, who stood glaring at Jacob. "Edward stop it!"

Edward looked at me, then looked at Jasper.

I heard a rustling sound behind me, and Jacob was gone.

It was just Jasper and Edward again. "Edward, I - I think I need a moment to talk to Jasper. Will you allow me that?"

"Yes of course." He turned, then stopped and looked back at us. "Jasper, Alice says carry her. She knows you'll be careful."

My eyes widened as I watched Edward retreat. Jasper snickered next to me, and drew my attention away from following Edward's back as it moved away. I looked at him questioningly.

"Sorry, it's just, Alice," he said in explanation.

"I think we need to take a walk, and I think you need to explain a few things to me."

Jasper lifted me into his arms and we wound our way into the trees. Despite the darkness falling around us, I began recognizing things along the path. As I suspected, he took me back to the waterfall.

As we reached the spot I'd stood in that day, hidden between the trees, he walked over to the edge of the waterfall he'd been under that day. He turned and looked back at me.

"I'm assuming this," he lifted his arms, indicating our surroundings, "is what your questions are about," he said.

I nodded my head. "We can't stay here for long either, we have to hurry, so...in the interest of making it quick; why _did _you ask me not to marry Edward, and not to change, since as you explained yourself, Alice means more than anything else to you? And why have you been watching me?" I blushed, and looked down as I muttered the last question, "Why am I more than a friend and sister to you, and what did Edward mean by that, because I'm trying to understand."

Jasper walked over to me, and lifted my chin up until our eyes met.

"Is that why you ran, Bella?" I couldn't answer. I thought of my dream, and I couldn't even meet his eyes any longer.

He released my chin. "You have nothing to feel guilty for, Bella."

"I think I do, no one made me run from my own wedding. No one else is to blame for my response to the feeling you keep sending me, and I have no one to blame for my dreams."

His eyes widened in surprise. "Dreams?"

I blushed, blushing in a wedding dress was so typical. Annoyed with myself, I explained, "Every night, for the last several weeks, I have been back here, back to the day I found you here. Every night you ask me not to marry, not to change. Every night I can feel the temptation you have to bite me, and the way you fight it. Every night I remember the scent of you, the feel of you nuzzling my hair away from ear, and every night, I feel that same warmth, that feeling of love you wrapped around me. I look forward to it. But the worst part of it, is that every night I wake up forlorn, because you've gone. No one else is to blame for that but m-" I didn't get a chance to finish what I was saying. Jasper's arms wound around my back, and his lips pressed hard against mine. The warmth wrapped around me again, the kiss deepened, Jasper pulled me up and against him. He lifted me off the ground and stood upright, cradling me in his arms, and holding me inescapably tight against him, but not so much that it would hurt me.

I wasn't expecting the kiss, that's plain, but I completely wasn't expecting to have a response to it once it began. My heart pounded in my chest, and he pulled me even tighter, and he kissed me as Edward never had.

Jasper's voice was husky as he pulled his lips away from mine. "I don't want to let you go back, though I know I have to. Alice, I can't do this to her," he breathed out, heavily.

"Alice isn't waiting at the altar, Jasper."

He looked at me. "I don't think I can go back right now. I'm going to leave, will you tell everyone? I don't think I can watch you marry him," he said as he turned and ran into the trees.

"Jasper!" I called out, feeling that same feeling from my dream, his pulling away, the loss of his warmth. I desperately called to him again.

"_JASPER_!"

Suddenly he was before me again. Our eyes met, and I slowly reached out to him. That was all it took. In a moment, we were gone. Neither of us certain of what we were running to, unable to face what we ran from.

The only thing I left behind was the wedding bouquet; orange blossoms, white roses and freesia, alone on the ground where once a bride-to-be had stood. Its only company around for miles, was the quiet song of the waterfall.


End file.
